BENT

Bent on what? Bent out of shape? Sometimes we get bent out of shape over small trivial things. I think that I tend to rationalize that I get bent on "small" things as an outlet for keeping calm cool and collected over the "big" things. When someone is choking, I remain calm and execute proper procedures. When the dishwasher has not been emptied, I may react in a less than calm cool and collected manner. What gives? I think we usually get bent when we sense a lack of control. It might be easier to accept that we do not have control over someone choking than someone not emptying the dishwasher. It may, however, be just as important to recognize that we really have no real control over either someone choking or someone not emptying the dishwasher. But we do have control over how we react to each of these. One situation may seem more important than the other. One may be important in saving ones life. The other may have importance in shaping ones life. I pray that I have understanding of the importance of the "small" reactions and actions I have and make each day.

Christmas Tractors and Five Pound Babies

Decided to go for a run tonight after returning home from Chad's visitation. I donned my running gear and my flashing red lights. I love running in the cold dark (no sarcasm, I really do!) I so enjoyed checking out the Christmas lights. From a simple candle in one window to the 100,000 light show complete with the Juggling Santa and Christmas Ferris wheel. I like to display some lights; red and green "icicles" dangling from the roof's edge, white lights edging the garage "barn doors", green lights down the downspouts, green and red candles in the windows. The lighting scheme changes from year to year, but for the last four years the tree out front has looked the same. That is because I have never taken those lights down. Each year we have gone out, plugged them in and the tree of 2003 lights up. Each year we have seen how much the tree has grown. The tree is a spruce and is quite a bit larger than it was four years ago. It is a fun family tradition that is sure to end soon. . . or maybe when those lights fail we can put on some new ones and continue. I know my wife is very pleased that I did not decorate the dead lawn tractor [1986 Wheel Horse] again this year. I decorated the tractor while waiting for Kim to come home from the hospital with Chad. We had both spent the last week at the hospital being trained on how to care for him. The tractor was spectacular.

Chad's father was not at visitation today, but his grandmother was. She is a sweet 62 year old woman who is the main caregiver for Chad's two year-old sister. She seems to have a peace about us continuing to care for Chad. We are invited to her brother's house on Christmas Eve. It will be fun - good food, gospel music, and a celebration of Christ's birth with our new expanded family. We visited Chad's grandmother's Church for a dedication service for Chad's sister. Surprisingly Chad's father invited us up to dedicate Chad. We have come the the realization that if we are so blessed as to be able to adopt Chad we will be welcomed into a new family. This is not your typical Fostering experience. Today she gave each of my girls a crisp twenty for Christmas.

It is amazing how things begin to work when you "give up" the control that you do not have anyway.

Today we came home from visitation with a tiny five pound baby girl. My girls are in a state of delight. They can not get enough of loving on babies. It makes my heart burst with JOY to see the unconditional love these incredible girls have. My wife and I have hardly had a chance to even hold her. The girls picked up this tiny baby with more confidence than me. I was afraid I might break such a tiny little thing. We will only have her for a day or a few, but I know she will leave an everlasting impact on each member of my family. My wife just took another picture. . .

"Special" Needs

Tomorrow could be the last visitation for the father of my son. I am his dad. We have had Chad for over a year now. The last year was one of the longest years of my life (and I think longer for my wife) and I can hardly believe a year has already passed. I pray that he will become a permanent part of my family.

"Special" needs. We hear people talk about "special needs children", or "differently abled" or "handicapped" or "handicapable" or blah, blah, blah, etc, etc. . ."let make up a name that makes ME feel OK about this child". This boy is so cool. He has so many things that make him "special" that we have had to make visits to neurosurgeons, neurologists, developmental pediatricians, nutritionist, nephrologist, cardiologist, opthamologist, neuro opthamologist, gastroenterologist, geneticist, orthopedist, pysical therapists, and speech pathologist. MRIs, EEGs, CAT scans, ECGs. . .My girls have learned alot about medical care this year. We go to most appointments as a family. It has been a part of their homeschool this year(they both know how to hook up a G-tube for bolus feeding and attended training for infant CPR, for example). It is quite amazing to witness two young girls give tender love to a child that is so very normal to them, to have never heard them complain about sharing their time with a child that demands much of their parents time. I have never heard them say anything but positive things about the boy (except of course comments about various smells that Chad is quite talented at producing and, before picking him up, questioning when he last was fed to avoid wearing what he might have just been fed).

My wife, Kim, and I have realized how easy our lives were before having Chad. You miss alot about life and I think may not be listening for God when things are easy. This hectic rollercoaster year has been a blessing for my family.


I am occasionally asked something like "If you knew all that you know now would you do it again?" Interestingly, this question can typically be interpreted to be "If you knew all of the "problems this child has" would you. . .?". My honest answer is: If I knew only about all the Drs appointments, the heartache, the sleepless nights, the tension that results between spouses when they are stretched thin. . etc. Well I don't know, sounds hard, there must be more qualified people. But we brought Chad into our home with the commitment to provide him the best care we can. We were not aware of the tremendous challenge it would be to care for him and we were also not aware of the tremendous blessing he would be to our family and to many others.

What makes Chad so "special" is really NOT all of his "problems", but IS how he has touched the hearts of so any people. He greets you every morning with a beautiful smile.

What Does One Say in Their First Post?

I have often thought about starting a journal or perhaps recording my thought(s) on an MP3 recorder as I run. I think often and act occasionally. I started this blog because my wife thought it would be a good idea for me to extend my genius to the world (She didnt actually say genius, but I know what she meant). "Genius" is a relative term. Einstein was a "genius" in physics, but failed at marriage and made key contributions to technology that can destroy all life on earth. Einstein was a Jew that viewed science as a means to find out "how God thinks" (paraphrased quote). Einstein was also a "deist" who believed that God created our universe and sits now watching what is happening within it with no power to change the course of events spurred by His own creation. "Genius" is a relative term. I think it is safe to say that a genius is one who is granted a gift in one or more facets of our being. For example, smart in math, able to master many languages, artistic, good cook, skilled at sport, skilled at ripping people off, etc. A genius is really really good at one or more things. A "genius" is surely not so smart in other areas. Be careful when listening to a "genius". Geniuses have been known to be wrong even in there strongest area of genius.